We weren't trying for a a boy.

I'm just going to send that out into the universe, because I have heard from far too many cashiers, salespeople, and random strangers on the street that it must be a relief that we finally got a boy.  "I bet you're glad, huh?!" They say to me, every time I take my children and my large belly out in public.

It drives me crazy.

Because I have yet to find a nice way to say, "Not really.  We're just glad it's a baby."

Don't get me wrong, we weren't trying for a girl either.  But we were trying for a baby, and so all our dreams have come true.  Because ultrasounds have definitively confirmed that it's not a puppy.

We went into the ultrasound pretty sure it would be a boy, because this pregnancy was so different from the girls.  Neither one of us really thought that we cared one way or the other.  And the funny thing is, Paul was really excited it was a boy.  And I was kind of disappointed it wasn't a girl.

It has taken me a while to get used to the idea of a boy running around.  Which is also kind of funny, because I really don't believe in that whole "Boys are just different from girls" line.  I get that a lot too.  Mostly from people I know.  "You'll see," they say again and again.  And that's fine I guess.  I'm sure Max will be different from Ella and Charlotte.  But as it turns out, Ella and Charlotte are pretty different from each other, too.  And, another interesting fact is, just because a child is a certain gender does not guarantee that they will act in accordance with the stereotype for that gender.  Even if there is some evidence that the stereotype is a somewhat accurate representation of said gender.

So stop labeling my child.  He is still unborn.

I think that I must, somewhere in my subconscious, believe that the relationship between a mother and daughter is different from mother and son.   When we first found out Max was a boy, I had four or five dreams that I was getting married to a variety of men from my past.  I didn't tell Paul about the first couple of dreams, because, well, that's weird.  Why am I dreaming about marrying someone else?  And then I started seeing patterns.  All of these guys are people I knew relatively well, but never dated or had any romantic feelings for.  They were people I respected and admired.  And every single wedding was not a wedding of love, but of duty.  Often the proposal would go like this, "Well, I guess we should get married, it seems like the right thing to do." Finally, I realized that this must be symbolic of me committing to another man(child).  I just wasn't all the way on board with having another man in my life.  When I worked that out, the dreams stopped.  Weird, huh?

We are thrilled about this baby boy coming to our house.  And the closer it gets, the more exciting it is.  I'll be thirty-five weeks on Wednesday.  I had an ultrasound a couple of weeks ago, and he is measuring average in every way, which is wonderful.  Because with Ella's birth weight at 8 lb. 12 oz, and Charlotte's at 9 lb. 3 oz., let's just say that we don't worry about my babies being big enough at term.  (They also measured average at all their ultrasounds.)

But since I don't get sassy with strangers, I just wanted to lay it all out here.


Angela said...

The dream thing is really interesting but it seems like you're right on about the symbolism. Before Tyler's gender ultrasound I spent an evening praying fervently to be absolutely joyful if we found out it was a girl. I was afraid of having a girl but wanted to be able to say that I was excited for her from the moment we found out she was a girl. I found my peace and then of course found out I was having a boy.

jbeus said...

Jessica!! I'm so happy I found your blog! I discovered it after seeing an updated pic of you and your husband on facebook and so I was wondering what was going on with your family! So excited for your family and another baby!! I'm happy to know that you also update this frequently-- I will be a reader! I think you and your family are awesome! We miss you in C.S.
-Brittany Beus from College Station, TX

Bonnie said...

Can I stand up and applaud your post? Will you hear me all the way over there? The things strangers say to other strangers- I think it may be some kind of anonymous thrill to some to tell someone your (unasked for) opinion and be able to walk away. I LOVE your point about stereotypes in gender- really, the whole thing. Let your unborn play out the way he wants to roll. Not necessarily boyish or girlish, but Max(ish). And kudos for making that baby.
And I think if someone is particularly sassy with you, you can sass them on back. You are pregnant, after all. It's probably forgivable.

The Jolley Family said...

I'm glad to read your post. It brings me comfort considering we are having a boy too. It's crazy, but I seem to be following your pattern of gender for kids. Kind of fun! Anyway, congrats again on having a baby and not a puppy! Hee! Miss you!

Keri and Neal said...

Well, I hope you are not going to have any more after this boy. What are you trying to do? With the world so overpopulated and all...